Shifting from What to Who

Our clients get stuck, especially during times of organizational change, layoffs, or uncertainty. Coaches in training sometimes struggle with clients who are venting or complaining about their situations. While it’s valuable to allow space for these emotions, there comes a point when we need to help our clients move forward. One effective technique I’ve found is shifting the focus from “what” questions to “who” questions.

When clients are stuck, they often ask, “What do I do? What are my next steps? What obstacles do I need to overcome?” These are all good questions, but they ignore a crucial resource: other people. By shifting to “who” questions, we can broaden the perspective from “I have to solve this” to “I have a whole team of people who can help me.”

Here are some examples of “who” questions you can use:

• Who can help you with this?
• Who else is dealing with this situation?
• Who has been successful at navigating similar challenges?

This shift helps clients realize they don’t need to rely solely on their own solutions. It opens up possibilities and reminds them of the support network they may have forgotten about.

Another powerful “who” question to consider is, “Who do you need to become to handle this situation?” This internal focus can help clients reflect on personal growth and necessary changes.

When introducing this shift to clients, I often say something like, “We’ve talked a lot about what you can do. I’m curious, who around you is doing well at this or could help you with this?” Many clients have an “aha” moment, suddenly remembering the resources available to them.

If a client seems hesitant to reach out for help, you can ask, “If someone you knew was experiencing what you’re going through, how would you feel if they came to you for help?” This often helps them realize that others might be just as willing to support them.

In an interview, economist Bryce Ward shared the startling statistic that the average American spends approximately 40 hours a week alone, which has increased to closer to 50 hours a week in recent years. I’ve heard other reports that it’s closer to 19 hours a day. That makes it even more crucial for us as coaches to emphasize the importance of social connections.

Remember, as coaches, our role is to help clients see beyond their current limitations and access all available resources. By shifting from “what” to “who,” we help clients tap into their social resources, broaden their perspective, and find new ways to move forward. This simple change in questioning can be a powerful tool in your coaching toolkit, helping your clients get unstuck and progress towards their goals.